Do humans still have a conscience, or did capitalism buy it off the shelf? Do we even care anymore, or has compassion been outsourced to branding departments? We sigh, we post, we ‘raise awareness’—the hottest marketing buzzword of the decade. But don’t expect anyone to actually do anything about the mess. That costs real money.
Let’s be honest—we’re not here to fix the world. We’re here to monetize it. We are the only species selling t-shirts while dying. It’s not hard to find a lovely little corner of the internet where you can sip your ethically sourced, organic, oat milk latte and scroll through live death counters telling you just how fast we’re losing the planet, biodiversity, breathable air, and children.
But don’t worry! There’s a merch tab. You know, in case you want to buy a hoodie while watching humanity’s slow descent into eco-oblivion. It’s like a fire alarm that sells candles. The site is actually informative—if you define “informative” as slapping you in the face with how irredeemably absurd we’ve become. It’s a digital confessional booth for first-world guilt, where you can read about how 20 kids die from poverty by the time you’ve scrolled to the bottom of the page, then click “Add to Cart” to feel better. A tote bag with your eco-sins, but make it fashion.
Here’s the comedy: such sites is for people not dying of poverty. They are for people who have internet, a smartphone, probably three subscription services, and who think “minimalism” means decluttering your apartment while still owning five reusable water bottles and two meditation apps with mats. We’re so deep in the capitalist simulation that even the warning signs come with a checkout button. The world is ending, but hey—would you like to pay with Visa or PayPal?
In the grand theater of extinction, we optimize for profit, productivity, and performance—right off a cliff. It’s not just hypocrisy. It’s performance art. It’s capitalism’s final act: death by branding. And the punchline? We’re all in the audience and we’re all on stage. Now go ahead, read those stats again… and grab a mug that says “There Is No Planet B.” Because if we’re going to crash the biosphere, we may as well monetize it on the way out…
